As of yet, Untitled

I'm ready for something new
Something groundbreaking
Something revolutionary
Something to change the old and start the new

I feel like I'm at the edge of a precepice
almost looking at what's next
But I'm worried it's just a frame of mind
that I'm bored, that it's because of the
          chocolate with toffee and coffee beans
that it's yet another same ol' same ol'
       imagining.
I feel like Tony, "Something's coming,
Come on in! Catch the moon, one handed
catch!"
I want the door to jingle, someone
knock!

Something new! Change me!
Oh Lord, please, don't let it fade!
I don't want to go back to stagnancy.
Please oh please!
I feel like it will fade!

I sigh.
I know all things are in your
time.
Can this be mine?

A boy might do,
but the thought sounds, contrived?
Self absorbed?
       Self contrived?

Oh, God, will something come?
Are You sending something, someone?
Will new events make me better?

Have I had too much caffeine?

Heck, I don't know where I'm
going.
I'm hoping
for something
and thinking maybe
if I keep writing
maybe I'll figure something out.

I don't feel an end,
I don't want to write this for show!
Who cares what they think!
I do . . .
I don't want to care
about the vain glory!
But I keep seeking - sinking -
more and more.

Good Lord, what all is in vain?

Oh it's been so long since I've really
      written,
revelling in passion that spreads
my words,
page after page!
This passion does not seem a sinful one,
Lord is it?
Is it instead truly bringing me to You,
Showing me the joy of writing

for You?


A pause.

Yes. Oh,  . . . yes.
That,
thank you Lord,
could be it.